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Watch the door!

Recently I visited my older sister and her family in Indiana for a visit over the 4th of July. We enjoyed the usual family dinners and conversation. All in all, a great time. 

While we were getting ourselves settled in, she made an interesting request. She asked us to close the doors very quietly- demonstrating as she spoke. Members of her household slept at different times, and she didn't want us waking anyone with doors being slammed carelessly. 

"Sure", I said. That was no problem. 

Suddenly I remembered that opening and closing doors is  a mindfulness practice with a long tradition. In his essay,  "Closing doors", Ben Howard relates the story of when Thomas Merton, the famous Catholic monk first met Zen teacher  Thich Nhat Hanh in 1996. When Merton observed how Hanh  opened and closed doors, he could tell that he was the real deal, an "authentic monk." 

We often forget that the true  purpose of mindfulness is to bring attention to our daily activities, not just to the breath, or to our meditation posture. And while it may be unrealistic to expect laypersons (most of us out in the world) to act like monks, increasing our attentiveness to our everyday actions  is a worthy goal. 

As Chris Willard, author of  Growing up mindful recently put it, "If we're not mindful, we can miss out on both the beauty and the danger" in every moment. Our attention, or lack thereof, can have very real consequences. 

When my daughter lived at home, she would sometimes blast  through the door into the kitchen. I would immediately notice irritation arising in me, and  would think about the eventual bill for replacing the knob and door jam. I would ask her to be more mindful when  she opened the door (although that didn't always sit well with her!).

At school too, kids will come yelling and screaming into the classroom, throwing the door open or slamming it shut. Sometimes we walk outside together, and try it again, but slowly, with care. The challenge is to do this in a spirit of compassion and patience, so it's not heard as criticism. 

Almost any activity can be done more slowly, with more awareness.  These small moments can become another way to engage with the present moment, to give the whirling mind a rest. 

But that's not the only reason. Being mindful in this way is a gift to others- when we are present we are less likely to cause pain or suffering, both for ourselves and others. 

The trick is to not to  become overly harsh or critical when  attention  lapses, making informal mindfulness  another way to  feed  the judging mind, or the doing it right monster. 

Other small moments I use to pay heightened attention are: taking a sip of coffee; turning my ignition on and off in my car; backing out of my driveway; taking one bite  at lunch or dinner. These small moments gradually add up, and reality- rather than fantasy-  begins to take a greater share of one's mental real estate. 

Even one conscious breath can be a helpful  practice. I often use Thich Nhat Hanh's reminder,  Breathing in, I know I am breathing in; breathing out, I know I am breathing out. 

My sister's request to turn the doorknob carefully  was a small "bell of mindfulness", a reminder to notice what I was doing. I even made up a "gatha" for her to use when closing her doors...

Closing this door, I vow to let go of past hurts and mistakes. 




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